Frequently Asked Questions
Should I stay for the sake of the children?
The basic consideration has to be the degree of risk that you and your children face by staying in the home. The risk can be of physical or emotional harm. Studies have shown that living in a violent household can adversely affect the well being and behaviour of children. A 1994 Juristat from the Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics found that children witness violence against their mothers in almost 40% of marriages with spousal abuse.
Children who witness violence may:
- feel frightened, confused and unhappy.
- behave aggressively.
- feel responsible for the violence.
- become depressed or even suicidal.
- exhibit self destructive, accident-prone behaviour.
- seek punishment (identified as love) for behaviour such as lying or stealing.
- adopt rigid gender role identification.
- have night time difficulties or physical complaints.
- become perpetrators or victims intehir adult relationships.
Are there consequences for my children from seeing/hearing my partner abuse me?
It is extremely likely that there will be long term consequences from your children witnessing abuse. Boys who witness abuse at home are more likely to abuse their wives or partners when they grow up. Girls who witness abuse are more likely to accept abuse as a fact of life when they enter into relationships. Children who witness violence at home are more likely to think that violence at home is normal. Children should be protected from abuse, even when they are just witnesses.
How can I better protect myself at home?
If you feel that you cannot leave an abusive situation right now, you can still protect yourself:
- tell a neighbour or friend to call the police if they see or hear anything.
- seek medical attention for any injuries.
- keep records about your injuries and other times you are abused.
- make a plan as to how you might leave and where you would go.
- ensure that emergency numbers are close to hand or memorised.
- educate yourself about the legal options available in Alberta , e.g. family violence laws which will grant emergency orders, criminal offences that your partner could be arrested for, access and custody laws.
- save some money if possible, in case you need to leave quickly.
- do things to make you feel better such as seek counselling or learn new skills.
- consider the possibility of your partner getting counselling for controlling behaviour.
I am terrified that my partner will try to stop me from leaving. How can I leave safely?
If you are in immediate danger of physical harm, call the police. There are laws to protect against family violence that enable you or the police to apply for an emergency protection order 24 hours a day.
If you are under no immediate physical risk, it is useful to make a safe escape plan.
- Consider where you will stay (friend, relative, shelter, another town or city).
- put some money away, a little at a time, in a safe place.
- move out some things a little at a time (e.g. clothing, credit cards).
- consider what you might take for your children (e.g. favourite toys or blankets, toothpaste, diapers).
- contact your local social services or welfare office to find out what benefits you might be entitled to.
- get legal advice about your situation or educate yourself about the legal issues that might affect you, e.g. custody, support, protection orders, restraining orders, property rights.
- keep important documentation so it is accessible (birth certificates, health care cards, bank documents, account numbers, etc.
These FAQs are prepared by the University of Alberta Legal Studies Program. They have been reproduced at this website and may be copied in whole or in part for private and non-commercial use, provided that this copyright notice and the warning notice are included with all copies.
WARNING: The content of these Frequently Asked Questions is intended as general legal information only. If you have a personal problem, and need legal advice, please consult a lawyer.